Taking Turns

After three intense weeks of rehearsal - 6-8 hours a day, 6 days a week - along with a couple family hiccups that added stress, we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Last night we had our “final room run,” the last run-through of the opera in the rehearsal room before we head to the stage. It is a major turning point in the process, indicating that we will move from day rehearsals to night and from two blocks of rehearsal to one. It’s a big shift in schedule, and one that helps prepare us for the actual run of the show, which, matinees aside, means working at night.

For our family, on this gig, it means getting back to having our days with Henry. It’s been hard to leave him with a sitter every day, only getting home for an hour before bedtime. I don’t know how parents with “normal” jobs do it every day! We miss him! Today is the first day that we’ll all be together until the sitter comes at 5pm, and we are enjoying the return to something resembling our Normal.

In our house we have no “primary.” No primary caregiver, no primary income-earner. We are truly split 50/50, and we’re reminded of this every year when we do our taxes. We can see on paper that we spend almost equal time at home and on the road, and our incomes are almost identical. So what does this mean for running our household? It means we have to take turns.

We take turns making dinner, doing housework, managing paperwork, and, most importantly, taking “first shift,” or getting up with Henry in the morning. Of course, there are some tasks that we understand the other to better suited for, and we don’t try to force it. So we don’t take turns, generally, with grocery shopping (that’s B’s territory) and deep cleaning (ACB). Each according to his strengths, right?

Today was my turn to take First Shift, so Henry and I had a lovely hour or so of breakfast and legos before B woke up. After he had his breakfast and coffee, B took over. Today that meant taking Henry to the local “bounce house” while I had a couple hours of precious quiet time. I tidied a bit, gave some thought to dinner, sat and wrote for an hour, and soon will take a shower without any pressure to get out quickly. Tomorrow, I will sleep in and then relieve B after my oatmeal smoothie (believe it! recipe to come!); I’ll probably take Henry to the library for story time and try to finagle my way into a short-term membership. 

We have used this First Shift system for over a year now, and it works so well. When one of us is singing a gig and the other is in the “support” role, we are open to diverging from the plan, allowing the working parent to sleep in on the day of a show (or after a long opening night party). Adjustments are made to the rest of the day in those cases, making sure that each parent gets some time “off,” time to take care of other business and to clear their head from the grind of parenting a toddler. But we both understand that rest is crucial to vocal health, and so we take on the lion’s share of parenting when the other is in performance mode. 

When people ask how we do it as a two-singer family, this is always the first thing I think of. We take turns. It all balances out in the end.