Logistics: making order out of chaos

Matt pointed out that our last two posts have been about food. Guess we think about eating a lot! But there is a lot more, of course: potty training, career “management” (photoshoot!) and - the big one - logistics.

The dichotomy of our lives is perfectly captured in those first two: potty-training and a photoshoot. We had an incredible 5-hour photoshoot with Glenn Fajota earlier this week, glamorous and fun and full of beautiful clothes and lights and props. (We should see the pictures today! I’m so excited!!) And then, a few days ago, Henry took a huge leap forward in the potty-training area, so we’ve been super-focused on that. 

I promise I’ll write more about both topics soon, but first let me give you a glimpse into the next few weeks of our life on the road. It goes a little something like this:

April 15th: After six weeks in Norfolk, we relocate to Richmond and live with B’s folks while finishing two weekends of Virginia Opera performances.

30th: relocate to Charlotte, SC, area for a week to stay with my folks while...

May 3-6: B goes to NYC for a concert.

8th-ish: Back to Richmond for a week before...

13th: We relocate to St. Louis, MO, where B will be singing in The Kiss at OTSL. Stay here mostly uninterrupted for six weeks, except... 

23-26: ACB goes to NYC for a concert. 

After we finish in St. Louis, we’re really not sure what’s happening. If our sublettors in NYC want to stay for an extra month, we might take our time heading back north. It’s always nice to have someone else pay your rent, right? We don’t have work in the NYC-area until August, so we *could* stay away most of the summer, but we will have been on the road for a long time by then. I’m thinking we’ll be ready to go home.

I’m going to start packing up this afternoon, hoping to send a big suitcase back to Richmond with B’s parents, who are coming to see the show tonight. A couple days ago I looked around the apartment here and realized we had things in every nook and cranny - as if we lived here! Six weeks is long enough that we start to feel like this is home. Henry gets bored and needs his toys rotated; the fridge has rotten leftovers in it; everyone is missing a sock or two. 

I’m not looking forward to the feeling of vagrancy that will hang over our heads for the next few weeks, but it’s part of the life. B & I are aleady talking about “survival strategies,” how to make sure we stay connected as a family amid the chaos. Schedules and routines (or rhythms, as we try to call them) will be crucial, making sure that each day (or week) contains many of the same elements at approximately the same times. A little anchor in the upheaval. 

Daily, we prefer that our rhythm go something like this:   breakfast, play

   out-of-the-house activity

   lunch

   quiet time (naps seem to be dwindling in frequency...)

   tv time, books

   running around like a crazy child

   dinner

   bath/books/bed

Not that involved, right? But harder than you’d think, trying to maintain that in a new place with new people and new beds and new things all the time. We’re all getting better about it, but it takes work. Not so much work, maybe, as forethought.

Weekly, we aim for a mix of out-of-the-house activities: museums, libraries, bounce houses, zoos and aquariums, gardens and farmers markets, hikes and bike rides. B is great about researching a new area to see what is available, and we’ve found some truly special and memorable places and things in our travels. The Hanover farmer’s markets, unforgettable tonkatsu in Tokyo, a wildlife safari outside Palm Beach, FL, and, most recently, the splash park at the Norfolk Botanical Garden. (The top picture was taken there yesterday, when B & I taught Henry how to roll down a hill! Always best to teach by example, right?)

As nervous as we may be about the upcoming disorder and disarray, I am excited to see what new discoveries we’ll make. New places for a new family experience, new memories, new people. 

Taking Turns

After three intense weeks of rehearsal - 6-8 hours a day, 6 days a week - along with a couple family hiccups that added stress, we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Last night we had our “final room run,” the last run-through of the opera in the rehearsal room before we head to the stage. It is a major turning point in the process, indicating that we will move from day rehearsals to night and from two blocks of rehearsal to one. It’s a big shift in schedule, and one that helps prepare us for the actual run of the show, which, matinees aside, means working at night.

For our family, on this gig, it means getting back to having our days with Henry. It’s been hard to leave him with a sitter every day, only getting home for an hour before bedtime. I don’t know how parents with “normal” jobs do it every day! We miss him! Today is the first day that we’ll all be together until the sitter comes at 5pm, and we are enjoying the return to something resembling our Normal.

In our house we have no “primary.” No primary caregiver, no primary income-earner. We are truly split 50/50, and we’re reminded of this every year when we do our taxes. We can see on paper that we spend almost equal time at home and on the road, and our incomes are almost identical. So what does this mean for running our household? It means we have to take turns.

We take turns making dinner, doing housework, managing paperwork, and, most importantly, taking “first shift,” or getting up with Henry in the morning. Of course, there are some tasks that we understand the other to better suited for, and we don’t try to force it. So we don’t take turns, generally, with grocery shopping (that’s B’s territory) and deep cleaning (ACB). Each according to his strengths, right?

Today was my turn to take First Shift, so Henry and I had a lovely hour or so of breakfast and legos before B woke up. After he had his breakfast and coffee, B took over. Today that meant taking Henry to the local “bounce house” while I had a couple hours of precious quiet time. I tidied a bit, gave some thought to dinner, sat and wrote for an hour, and soon will take a shower without any pressure to get out quickly. Tomorrow, I will sleep in and then relieve B after my oatmeal smoothie (believe it! recipe to come!); I’ll probably take Henry to the library for story time and try to finagle my way into a short-term membership. 

We have used this First Shift system for over a year now, and it works so well. When one of us is singing a gig and the other is in the “support” role, we are open to diverging from the plan, allowing the working parent to sleep in on the day of a show (or after a long opening night party). Adjustments are made to the rest of the day in those cases, making sure that each parent gets some time “off,” time to take care of other business and to clear their head from the grind of parenting a toddler. But we both understand that rest is crucial to vocal health, and so we take on the lion’s share of parenting when the other is in performance mode. 

When people ask how we do it as a two-singer family, this is always the first thing I think of. We take turns. It all balances out in the end. 

Our Story

Two weeks ago, B and I started working on Le nozze di Figaro at Virginia Opera, our first time singing an opera together since we met five years ago. Today we got the chance to sit down with a reporter and tell her “our story.” How we met, how we fell in love, how we started our life together and how that life is influenced by our careers as opera singers. It was wonderful to spend an hour traveling down memory lane, and it gave me the kick I needed to sit down for the first time in quite a while and write.

I’ve been wanting to start (another) blog for a while now but have been waiting for inspriation to strike. I don’t want to write a “mommy blog,” and I don’t want to write about my career any more, but - let’s be honest - what else do I have passion about and energy for these days? So when B and I started working together this month, an idea started to form. What about us? How about a blog about our crazy life? And not an Instagram-filled polished presentation of an idealized version of our life, but a real look at the way we (somehow, miraculously) make it all work. The agony and the ecstasy. There is plenty of both in our lives, as there is in anyone’s life who is truly and fully living, and we’d like to share some of that with you here.

So, welcome to MOM & POPera, the internet’s first parenting-opera-travel-food blog! I hope we can share our story in a way that is appealing to opera lovers, parents, and opera-loving parents. Here is a bit of what I hope we can share with you over time:

The Agony
Logistics, logistics, logistics.
Separation.
Maintaining top vocal form and performance energy
Creating a new infrastucture for Henry in each new location
Eating well and staying fit on the road
Travel: planes, trains, and automobiles

The Ecstasy
Lots of time with our son, our extended family, each other
Opportunities to experience incredible food, wine, parties
Limelight and personal validation
Making new friends
Creating art for a living, being surrounded by incredible artists
Travel: longterm stays in cities around the world

Come along for the ride - and let us know what you want to know! We’re writing new chapters daily around here.